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"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them."

"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relation. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing, too."

"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too."

"After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly."

"Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system."

"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."